I’m missing you already

Just now, this weekend I realized I’m about to say goodbye to most of the people that I met in the last year. Probably I’ll never see again most of them. Or heard the laughs or keep the jokes. It is like I came, I had a great and important time and I’m coming back to real life like nothing had ever happened. 

Most of them are people I would never meet, never talk or even see it. But here they are, on my facebook photos, on my phone, in my books and in my heart. I’ve never thought I could meet and make so many friends and be as happy as somebody could be. I learned how to be friendly and kind with them, even when I wasn’t actually friendly with most of them. 

When I come back, I’m sure I’m gonna stay some nights looking at the photos and listening to my mind while it tries to bring everything back again. Back to my life, nothing would change that much, but inside myself I feel like I couldn’t never be the same. I’m not the same. You can see this (or at least I can) when I look at the first photo of all of this, the one I took with a girl in the airport. We were all with the wondering eyes and exciting minds.

Could we guess how brilliant and different all of this would be? No. As somebody who didn’t make new friends for a while, having a lot of them was fantastic. Laugh about anything and watching really terrible movies at 3 am wouldn’t never be my guess for this trip. How could it be?

After so many countries, so many cities and beers I realized (truly this time) there is nothing more beautiful than having people around you. You need to go by yourself to see the world is not as bad as it seems to be, life can be way better if you just believe on it. Firstly, believe in yourself and then trying to do the same with someone around you. 

You might travel the whole world and get nothing for yourself if you don’t believe. 

Right now I believe in myself, in believe in my friends back home and I believe in the new people I just met.

I believe in the French girl (I’d rather see her again than see Paris) who is the most kind person I’ve ever met, in the beautiful Belgium friend I have (the most important thing in Belgium, despite beers and chocolates). And the Dutch and the other French who sometimes seems to be exactly like me and make me believe I can actually be normal. I believe in my flatmate, despite he might be the most annoying guy I saw in my entire life. In my neighbours and classmates, they can make me laugh about myself and about anything (even water). In the Russian guy who has the same sense of humour (and hate) that I do and understand me more than myself sometimes.

I believe they all can be something good for this world as they are for myself. I also believe as a wish that they all could have the best on their lives, I’m probably not gonna see them for a while but this doesn’t change anything. I’m probably gonna miss them for a while, but well I’m already missing. 

 

All my love

I was never the kind of person who actually talks about love. Not with my mother, brother or any boyfriend or whatever. I was never actually kind or lovely, I was always complaining or looking for the bad sad. This wasn’t bad, as matter of fact I was really good at it and satisfied.

But I’m also a big fan of happiness. I’ve Always followed what I wanted for me and what it should be. When I realized traveling was my favorite thing I made all the plans for it. When I discovered my love and my wishes I also found the love that I have for everything else.

I love my family, despite all the ridiculous stuff that we have and that I have always wanted to run away from them. But I love them, I love every single moment with them. Everything that made me be who I am. I love them but I think I have never actually said it before. Especially to my grandmother, she is probably my favorite person in this world and I miss her smell. And her eyes. I think I will never be able to forget her eyes.

I love my books. An old passion. An old love. I never lied about this and most of the people close to me knows. I love learn, I might be lazy for studying but I love learn. I love have something different to tell.

I love my hometown, despite all the problems and all the people that I have always said that I hate. I still hating a lot of stuff there but I love the warmness and the blue sky. I love how simple everything can be when you just come back to the place you come from.

I love my old friends. All their names and faces come to my mind everyday. It breaks my heart knowing I’m gonna miss them way more. But I love all the moments that we had, all the laughs and how they used to make me feel so special, important.

I love creativity. I love when people made something good from a boring thing or when you can just have an amazing time with nothing but good jokes.

I love every place I have been to. I love the cold and the rain, the sun and the sky. I love snow (but I also hate it). I have everything inside me, in some kind of strange memory that builds and rebuilds myself everyday. I love the different persons that I am.

And finally I love the different persons that I met. Every one of them. But I hate the goodbyes, it breaks my heart every time. But I love the fact I have something of them with me as I have the cities and the days. As I have myself.

Somehow in the middle of all of this I learned how to love people, how to keep love and look for the peace inside myself. It’s not completely done, I can feel the old one coming sometimes, but it’s way better than before.

I love feeling the love instead of the indifference. Knowing that life can be good as long as you look for it. and I hope someday you can also be able to do it.

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