She left

I was sitting there, staring at the empty room. Five minutes ago she was there saying goodbye like it was a normal thing to do. But… But how could I get use to it?

The thing about trying to have the world is kind of simple. You won’t get it. You never will. It’s impossible to have and see everything. It’s impossible to keep everyone.

She left. She was smiling at me for the last moment. Her eyes were shining and I could see her happiness and sadness at the same time. That’s because we both were happy and sad. But I’m just sad now since I can’t see her smile anymore.

Going out there is breaking my heart. Every single day. This wasn’t suppose to be worse with goodbyes. As Bilbo Baggins use to say “it’s a dangerous business going out of your door”.

She left. She could stay hours talking to me about anything. She could and she stayed, for eight months. But the world called for her again and she needed to cross the ocean.

She left and I’m sitting here by myself, wondering if someday I would be able to understand this nostalgic feeling. Because staying might be worse than taking the airplane. Somehow I’m leaving as well.

I wonder now if she knows she is not alone, I wonder if she knows she was important to me. I don’t know if I was able to express it as it should be. I don’t know if crying would be the answer for it.

It isn’t simple to say “Thank you for everything and I wish you all the luck in this world.” Even when I mean it with all my heart. It’s not simple and it doesn’t seem enough.

To all my friends, to those who are always there somewhere.

I’m missing you already

Just now, this weekend I realized I’m about to say goodbye to most of the people that I met in the last year. Probably I’ll never see again most of them. Or heard the laughs or keep the jokes. It is like I came, I had a great and important time and I’m coming back to real life like nothing had ever happened. 

Most of them are people I would never meet, never talk or even see it. But here they are, on my facebook photos, on my phone, in my books and in my heart. I’ve never thought I could meet and make so many friends and be as happy as somebody could be. I learned how to be friendly and kind with them, even when I wasn’t actually friendly with most of them. 

When I come back, I’m sure I’m gonna stay some nights looking at the photos and listening to my mind while it tries to bring everything back again. Back to my life, nothing would change that much, but inside myself I feel like I couldn’t never be the same. I’m not the same. You can see this (or at least I can) when I look at the first photo of all of this, the one I took with a girl in the airport. We were all with the wondering eyes and exciting minds.

Could we guess how brilliant and different all of this would be? No. As somebody who didn’t make new friends for a while, having a lot of them was fantastic. Laugh about anything and watching really terrible movies at 3 am wouldn’t never be my guess for this trip. How could it be?

After so many countries, so many cities and beers I realized (truly this time) there is nothing more beautiful than having people around you. You need to go by yourself to see the world is not as bad as it seems to be, life can be way better if you just believe on it. Firstly, believe in yourself and then trying to do the same with someone around you. 

You might travel the whole world and get nothing for yourself if you don’t believe. 

Right now I believe in myself, in believe in my friends back home and I believe in the new people I just met.

I believe in the French girl (I’d rather see her again than see Paris) who is the most kind person I’ve ever met, in the beautiful Belgium friend I have (the most important thing in Belgium, despite beers and chocolates). And the Dutch and the other French who sometimes seems to be exactly like me and make me believe I can actually be normal. I believe in my flatmate, despite he might be the most annoying guy I saw in my entire life. In my neighbours and classmates, they can make me laugh about myself and about anything (even water). In the Russian guy who has the same sense of humour (and hate) that I do and understand me more than myself sometimes.

I believe they all can be something good for this world as they are for myself. I also believe as a wish that they all could have the best on their lives, I’m probably not gonna see them for a while but this doesn’t change anything. I’m probably gonna miss them for a while, but well I’m already missing.