I was sitting there, staring at the empty room. Five minutes ago she was there saying goodbye like it was a normal thing to do. But… But how could I get use to it?
The thing about trying to have the world is kind of simple. You won’t get it. You never will. It’s impossible to have and see everything. It’s impossible to keep everyone.
She left. She was smiling at me for the last moment. Her eyes were shining and I could see her happiness and sadness at the same time. That’s because we both were happy and sad. But I’m just sad now since I can’t see her smile anymore.
Going out there is breaking my heart. Every single day. This wasn’t suppose to be worse with goodbyes. As Bilbo Baggins use to say “it’s a dangerous business going out of your door”.
She left. She could stay hours talking to me about anything. She could and she stayed, for eight months. But the world called for her again and she needed to cross the ocean.
She left and I’m sitting here by myself, wondering if someday I would be able to understand this nostalgic feeling. Because staying might be worse than taking the airplane. Somehow I’m leaving as well.
I wonder now if she knows she is not alone, I wonder if she knows she was important to me. I don’t know if I was able to express it as it should be. I don’t know if crying would be the answer for it.
It isn’t simple to say “Thank you for everything and I wish you all the luck in this world.” Even when I mean it with all my heart. It’s not simple and it doesn’t seem enough.
To all my friends, to those who are always there somewhere.