She left

I was sitting there, staring at the empty room. Five minutes ago she was there saying goodbye like it was a normal thing to do. But… But how could I get use to it?

The thing about trying to have the world is kind of simple. You won’t get it. You never will. It’s impossible to have and see everything. It’s impossible to keep everyone.

She left. She was smiling at me for the last moment. Her eyes were shining and I could see her happiness and sadness at the same time. That’s because we both were happy and sad. But I’m just sad now since I can’t see her smile anymore.

Going out there is breaking my heart. Every single day. This wasn’t suppose to be worse with goodbyes. As Bilbo Baggins use to say “it’s a dangerous business going out of your door”.

She left. She could stay hours talking to me about anything. She could and she stayed, for eight months. But the world called for her again and she needed to cross the ocean.

She left and I’m sitting here by myself, wondering if someday I would be able to understand this nostalgic feeling. Because staying might be worse than taking the airplane. Somehow I’m leaving as well.

I wonder now if she knows she is not alone, I wonder if she knows she was important to me. I don’t know if I was able to express it as it should be. I don’t know if crying would be the answer for it.

It isn’t simple to say “Thank you for everything and I wish you all the luck in this world.” Even when I mean it with all my heart. It’s not simple and it doesn’t seem enough.

To all my friends, to those who are always there somewhere.

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About friendship, cooking and eating together

Recently I’ve seen a video on YouTube about smartphones. I mean, it was about people who didn’t look around because they were always looking at the display. Well, I saw it all around my Facebook and YouTube pages but I’m pretty sure most of them just shared and still looking at the display.

Well, here it’s one think, I can’t say I’m free from communications, as matter of fact I’m pretty addicted to Instagram and Facebook, I’m always checking it. But one year from now I’ve learned to get away from it.

It was a pretty easy thing, you know, with time we kind of lose the touch with most of our friends and sometimes we just make people be so useless that we don’t even make a move to get close to them once a week.

With loneliness around for being abroad I started a need hobbie. I’m not actually good at it, but I’m gettin better. I started to cook. And learned, actually, learn a need thing makes you get so excited about it that you just forget to check updates.

And with the learning I realize it was even better when I was calling my friends to check, or bring it to them. Eat alone is boring. Cook and eat together is one of the most amazing things you can do with the people you love or you just meet.

So this is a tip, maybe it might not even be a really good one, but if you are reading this I dare you to try it. Cook something for your family or whoever you are living with. Cook something for your friends, call them. (Yes, call – not text) call them and ask for help. It makes people get close in a strange level. And easy one.

Just try it once. Especially with you have a special recipe, you should share.

By the way, you can also share it with me. I would love to know what you are learning around in the kitchen. And we can even share our favorite ones.

So I never know if someone is reading this, but if you are… Try to do it and comment about it. Or give me one recipe and I would be happy to cook for my friends and tell you about it.

I’ve just got a new hobbie. And this is a plus in the ways I’ve been trying to scape from the boredom from this world and I recuse to be numb.

I’m missing you already

Just now, this weekend I realized I’m about to say goodbye to most of the people that I met in the last year. Probably I’ll never see again most of them. Or heard the laughs or keep the jokes. It is like I came, I had a great and important time and I’m coming back to real life like nothing had ever happened. 

Most of them are people I would never meet, never talk or even see it. But here they are, on my facebook photos, on my phone, in my books and in my heart. I’ve never thought I could meet and make so many friends and be as happy as somebody could be. I learned how to be friendly and kind with them, even when I wasn’t actually friendly with most of them. 

When I come back, I’m sure I’m gonna stay some nights looking at the photos and listening to my mind while it tries to bring everything back again. Back to my life, nothing would change that much, but inside myself I feel like I couldn’t never be the same. I’m not the same. You can see this (or at least I can) when I look at the first photo of all of this, the one I took with a girl in the airport. We were all with the wondering eyes and exciting minds.

Could we guess how brilliant and different all of this would be? No. As somebody who didn’t make new friends for a while, having a lot of them was fantastic. Laugh about anything and watching really terrible movies at 3 am wouldn’t never be my guess for this trip. How could it be?

After so many countries, so many cities and beers I realized (truly this time) there is nothing more beautiful than having people around you. You need to go by yourself to see the world is not as bad as it seems to be, life can be way better if you just believe on it. Firstly, believe in yourself and then trying to do the same with someone around you. 

You might travel the whole world and get nothing for yourself if you don’t believe. 

Right now I believe in myself, in believe in my friends back home and I believe in the new people I just met.

I believe in the French girl (I’d rather see her again than see Paris) who is the most kind person I’ve ever met, in the beautiful Belgium friend I have (the most important thing in Belgium, despite beers and chocolates). And the Dutch and the other French who sometimes seems to be exactly like me and make me believe I can actually be normal. I believe in my flatmate, despite he might be the most annoying guy I saw in my entire life. In my neighbours and classmates, they can make me laugh about myself and about anything (even water). In the Russian guy who has the same sense of humour (and hate) that I do and understand me more than myself sometimes.

I believe they all can be something good for this world as they are for myself. I also believe as a wish that they all could have the best on their lives, I’m probably not gonna see them for a while but this doesn’t change anything. I’m probably gonna miss them for a while, but well I’m already missing. 

 

Making friends again

I can’t say I was unfriendly but for last five years (before leave my hometown) I was with the same friends, I didn’t actually talk to new people, only for daily stuff as college or work. I was use to the same people, the same old and good friends and I actually thought I didn’t have to make new ones or even talk and try to. 

But when I decided to go abroad and leave the routine behind and realized that not talking to new people – and when I say talk I mean really try to get to know them – was forcing me to go even deeper on my own routine. And well, the boredom from this routine was one of the reasons of my dissatisfaction. So when you go abroad you are forced to try to make new friends somehow – maybe for your own nature or maybe for the whole social thing – it is easier to get close to people at least for the beginning. 

So now I can say I have more people who I’m always talking to than before, even I’m living here only for six months, of course only a few of them are actually close friends but when I say “making friends” it isn’t only about those who you know everything about it, it’s also about those people who sometimes invites you for dinner or a drink. 

What I realized from now it’s that people are as effective as cities when you really want to change your reality. You don’t actually need a new place to change, you just need a new subject to talk sometimes and this kind of thing you can find easily. You just have to look in the corner, be kind with somebody, ask how as the day and smile. It is not that hard, communication it is not that hard, the huge problem is that we make ourselves unable to trust and listen to others and when you open your mind for this you can communicate and get to know people even in languages that you are not fluent in.

 

 

 

We never thought about that.

Sitting in a pub with a friend in Budapest. He isn’t not from here, the guy came from our city one month ago. He is about to do the same thing I did last semester.

We are leaving (we were) everything behind to try something new. Seven months ago I couldn’t imagine it would be this way. Seven months ago he couldn’t imagine the same. He just told me he would never think about leaving the country before get the degree. And even so here we are drinking a good beer and talking about how different our lives are. And how different everything will be now.

We changed everything and there is no way to come back. We will not be the same, we are not the same now. It’s not the same subject. One year ago we wouldn’t look, think or be this way. One year ago and we wouldn’t imagine we would be here in the opposite side of the world.

This is not a interesting post, it’s more about how different I’m feeling right now and how happy I am to see I’m not the only one from home who is doing the same. Sometimes I’m really good doing everything by myself, but also it’s really amazing to share the experience.