She left

I was sitting there, staring at the empty room. Five minutes ago she was there saying goodbye like it was a normal thing to do. But… But how could I get use to it?

The thing about trying to have the world is kind of simple. You won’t get it. You never will. It’s impossible to have and see everything. It’s impossible to keep everyone.

She left. She was smiling at me for the last moment. Her eyes were shining and I could see her happiness and sadness at the same time. That’s because we both were happy and sad. But I’m just sad now since I can’t see her smile anymore.

Going out there is breaking my heart. Every single day. This wasn’t suppose to be worse with goodbyes. As Bilbo Baggins use to say “it’s a dangerous business going out of your door”.

She left. She could stay hours talking to me about anything. She could and she stayed, for eight months. But the world called for her again and she needed to cross the ocean.

She left and I’m sitting here by myself, wondering if someday I would be able to understand this nostalgic feeling. Because staying might be worse than taking the airplane. Somehow I’m leaving as well.

I wonder now if she knows she is not alone, I wonder if she knows she was important to me. I don’t know if I was able to express it as it should be. I don’t know if crying would be the answer for it.

It isn’t simple to say “Thank you for everything and I wish you all the luck in this world.” Even when I mean it with all my heart. It’s not simple and it doesn’t seem enough.

To all my friends, to those who are always there somewhere.


About friendship, cooking and eating together

Recently I’ve seen a video on YouTube about smartphones. I mean, it was about people who didn’t look around because they were always looking at the display. Well, I saw it all around my Facebook and YouTube pages but I’m pretty sure most of them just shared and still looking at the display.

Well, here it’s one think, I can’t say I’m free from communications, as matter of fact I’m pretty addicted to Instagram and Facebook, I’m always checking it. But one year from now I’ve learned to get away from it.

It was a pretty easy thing, you know, with time we kind of lose the touch with most of our friends and sometimes we just make people be so useless that we don’t even make a move to get close to them once a week.

With loneliness around for being abroad I started a need hobbie. I’m not actually good at it, but I’m gettin better. I started to cook. And learned, actually, learn a need thing makes you get so excited about it that you just forget to check updates.

And with the learning I realize it was even better when I was calling my friends to check, or bring it to them. Eat alone is boring. Cook and eat together is one of the most amazing things you can do with the people you love or you just meet.

So this is a tip, maybe it might not even be a really good one, but if you are reading this I dare you to try it. Cook something for your family or whoever you are living with. Cook something for your friends, call them. (Yes, call – not text) call them and ask for help. It makes people get close in a strange level. And easy one.

Just try it once. Especially with you have a special recipe, you should share.

By the way, you can also share it with me. I would love to know what you are learning around in the kitchen. And we can even share our favorite ones.

So I never know if someone is reading this, but if you are… Try to do it and comment about it. Or give me one recipe and I would be happy to cook for my friends and tell you about it.

I’ve just got a new hobbie. And this is a plus in the ways I’ve been trying to scape from the boredom from this world and I recuse to be numb.

Collecting some goodbyes

Hell, after 9 months abroad some of the people who I met here are coming back home for summer or because their programs are done. Well, I’m staying in Europe for summertime, it’s not my time to say goodbye.

But we say it all the time. Some of these people I’ll never see again, probably just some photos on Facebook and in some months they wouldn’t even be on my feed anymore. Some one them might keep touch. I got some friends around the world who are always talking to me. But they aren’t even 10% of the people I met.

While the years are passing by you finally realize people are passing to. You might never heard they again, it doesn’t matter how much you laugh together or complain. It doesn’t matter if you love or hate. It will be all behind.

It’s not like leave home, when you leave home you kind of understand that the place will be there somehow. But when you leave a second home, that small apartment in somewhere that you shared with friends and has a lot on your life, you will never have it again.

It has its on time. And it goes away, it goes with every goodbye and hug. Saying goodbye knowing you will never see them again it’s strongly hard, even when you don’t care about it.

I know I’m never gonna have this again, not the same smiles and the same situation. It will all change again and soon. I also know it’s what I chose. And somehow I thinking missing can mean loving.

Now I just want to be sure every goodbye I say must show how much I wish happiness to the person who is hearing it.